why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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