Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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