Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
