They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
