the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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