woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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