ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
