you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
