My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
