dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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