thus making me awesome and them whores
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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