Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
