Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
