I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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