I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
