I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
