my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
