I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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