Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
