So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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