Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
