Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize