Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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