OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
