We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
