So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
