How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
