Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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