THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
