i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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