HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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