You can't special order awesome
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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