it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
