just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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