This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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