mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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