im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
