dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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