What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
