I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
