marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
