We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
