i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
