Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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