She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize