Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
