wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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