I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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