At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
