i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
