oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
