bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize