i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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