ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
