Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
