Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
