...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize