I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
