she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
