just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
