He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
