I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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