she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
