I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
