Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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