How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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