took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
please don't ironically join a cult
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