The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
