im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
