wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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