Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
