Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she smelled like a LAN party
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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