fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
