i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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