You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
