dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize