The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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