I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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