i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
