she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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